This is almost as bad of a pun as Blair Waldorf Must Pie. Almost. Anyone think the family bonding saw in the last episode will carry over? If you said yes, then I have some ocean front property in Arizona for sale.
Carter and the poker game from The Lost Weekend are mentioned in the recap. Uh oh. But so is Blair dismissing Jenny, which never gets old.
But it looks like Blair and Nate (Nair) are NOT over! Break out those short shorts as Nair is coming. I’d rather sit down in a nice comfortable Chair though.
Gossip Girl informs us it’s that time of year again. S.’s annual visit to the STD clinic for antibiotics? For Nate to try to learn 1+1=2? For Rufus to shower? Ooooh, no. Some sort of initiation of womanhood and descending staircases.
Debutant Season. We’re all invited. I’m so giddy.
Blair is going with Prince Theodore, not Nate, complaining that Nate was too “dark and brooding” and she wanted Romeo, not Hamlet. Serena, having had a crush on Leonardo DiCaprio, had just seen the 1996 Romeo and Juliet and was able to make a quick comeback that “Romeo died.” Shakespeare discussions on the Upper East Side. Who’d have thunk it?
Nate has *his* date, who reminds Nate “Don’t Eff with an Effer.” Nice one. But despite having the eternal love of BFF Chuck, Nate misses Blair.
The New York Times has chosen Blair for a “A Night With…” This show is now just delving into the realm of fantasy and science-fiction. Watch out, Harry Potter. S. isn’t being a debutant, probably because there isn’t enough alcohol. But she goes with Blair to dance class.
Lily asks Little J. to volunteer, and at first, Little J. mentions that she’s scared of Blair. Lily encourages Jenny to help and admonishes Serena for being a flake. Serena’s granny is the chairwoman of the event and has been for 15 years, which is like Jenny’s whole life, but they don’t mention that tidbit.
CeCe(I swear they ended up recasting as this is not the CeCe I remember, but IMDB says I’m wrong) causes Lily to run away and is already looking for the bar before even meeting Dan Dan. Usually that’s the first reaction after meeting Brooklyn’s Top Hipster Reject.
Dan puts his foot in his mouth, talking about how antiquated cotillion is, and Lily and Cece bond over a mutual hatred of Humphrey.
Blair and Chuck discuss how they don’t want Nate finding out in between passionate kisses when Nate himself shows up, looking for help with his spelling homework. (C-A-T spells “cat”, Nathaniel.) When Nate shows Blair he’s wearing the sweater with her heart-pin sewed on the sleeve so he’d always have her heart (h-e-a-r-t, not h-a-r-t, Nathaniel) on her sleeve, Blair agrees to go as friends. Chuck is not amused, but who is he more jealous of?
Rufus tells Jenny that Mama Humphrey has an opening so she can’t volunteer. Besides, with that Trapper Keeper, it is just proof that Jenny shouldn’t be out past 6 on a school night anyway.
Who knows what is in Lily’s teacup?
Cece tells Lily the doctors have found something on her lungs and her last wish is to see Serena debut. Oh man, what a crummy dying wish. She should have wished for something like a Ferrari, decent hairstylists in Brooklyn (paying it forward) or a hotel for Chuck or something.
These old phones continue to crack me up.
Nate wonders who is texting her so much, and she says Serena. Good lie.
Lily takes Little J. cotillion shopping and runs into Mama Humphrey, who had no clue Jenny was even going, as Jenny said she was going to the Humphrey Family Shindig. Awkward.
Guess who Serena’s escort is. Dan doesn’t look too happy to meet this guy.
CARTER BAIZEN! This isn’t going to go well. Apparently Gossip Girl had a section on her site about where in the world is Carter Baizen. Blair, Serena and Carter debate whether Dubai is a cool place or a shitty place, and Dan is all “Dubai? I went to the Jersey Shore once.”
What young Brooklyn prostitute wannabes are wearing this season:
Mama Humphrey then grounds Jenny for a week after the opening and NOT cotillion.
Chuck informs Nate that Blair is just not that into him (Nate). Nate wants Chuck to find out who Blair is seeing. Talk about awkward bro moment.
CeCe gives Dan Dan a dressing down telling him he just doesn’t belong and calls him a “charity case” and he’ll turn into a “cocktail party anecdote”. #TeamCeCe. Dan then declares him Serena’s escort. Hmm, usually it’s Serena being called an escort.
Blair’s ready for Chuck in purple as Chuck arrives when the NYT reporter is leaving. She wants the perfect gentleman, which Chuck apparently isn’t but Nate is. Umm.
CeCe goes to Rufus, offering to buy all the paintings in the gallery for him to convince Dan NOT to go to the cotillion with Serena, as Dan Dan is not an appropriate companion for a girl like Serena. Rufus refuses the sale. CeCe reveals that she had given Lily the choice between Rufus and the inheritance, and Lily chose money. Lily always chooses money though. Given a choice between being a mother to her children and money, she’d choose money. Alcohol and money? Money. Botox and money? Money. Etc.
Serena wants to take a year off from school to teach English in Southeast Asia? WHY HAS THIS SHOW BECOME A FANTASY SO SUDDENLY? But when S. tells Little J. Dan Dan is going when Little J. can’t, Jenny gets mad.
Stalking is so unbecoming, Chuck. Just ask Carter out already. Nate will understand.
S. is ready to part-y.
However, S. refuses to believe Dan Dan about CeCe’s trying to buy Dan out of the date with Serena. Complications. S. now doesn’t want to go with Danners.
Nate now thinks Carter is dating Blair, not Chuck. Only in real life, Nate. (Leighton Meester and Sebastian Stan were a couple once upon a time, no pun intended.)
Jenny asks S. for help in reading (more fantasy) as Carter shows up. Serena realizes her mom rewrote her statement. Awkward. Blair isn’t amused by the change either.
Blair Cordelia Waldorf, escorted by Nathaniel Archibald. She wants to be in Yale’s graduating class of 2013. Now I just feel old.
WHAT? The card had been changed by Serena to embarrass her family? It honestly sounds like Serena’s life goals to me…
Like mother, like daughter
2007 on the Upper East Side.
Nate punches Carter. I think I saw this cotillion on The O.C.
Lily asks Serena if Girls Gone Wild is next. Serena says she did that back in 7th grade. S. then tells Lily that all Lily cares about when she sees Serena is what they think of Lily. Now we’re getting back to reality.
Oooh, turns out Carter and Serena have a past. And here she is all pissy that Dan Dan is friends with Vanessa (thankfully absent again this week).
Lily goes down to Brooklyn to tell Dan that he belongs with Serena despite the class difference. Dan is changing Serena for the better. Propping much?
Serena finds some more alcohol as CeCe finds her. Serena gets CeCe to admit that she’s faking the cancer scare. Oh hells no. CeCe just outdid her OWN DAUGHTER at being a bad parent! CeCe Rhodes, you are hearby declared this week’s WORST PARENT! Go down some tequila shots with your granddaughter now. Dan shows up to save the day.
Chuck goes looking for Blair and finds her with Nate. Nair is winning this week, but I doubt the battle is over. Teenage soaps love their triangles.
Foreshadowing. Mama Humphrey tells Little J., who has missed the gallery opening all together, if she likes the person she’s becoming. I just hope she can talk Little J. out of bad makeup and hair choices later on in life.
Rufus calls Lily and confronts her about leaving him for money. Lily says she was weak and money is money. Rufus says that he “never should have let her let him go.”
“Apologize” by OneRepublic is now playing, dating this week’s episode.
It’s often said that no matter the truth, people see what they want to see. Some people might take a step back and see that they were looking at the same big picture all along.
Some people might see that their lies might have caught up to them. (Is CeCe really sick?)
Some people may see what was there all along.
And then there are those other people.
The ones that run as far as they can so they don’t have to look at themselves.
Chuck: To the airport.
And as for me, I can see clearly now. XoXo, Gossip Girl.