Summer, Kind of Wonderful Episode 2×01.

Aw, shucks. Gossip Girl missed yet another opportunity for a cross over with The O.C. Summer Roberts *is* kind of wonderful. I digress.

Ahhhhh, season 2 of Gossip Girl. I have hazy, funny, warm, good memories about this season, but I’m scared to revisit it. Sometimes when you revisit the past, it’s not as good as you remember it.  I do wonder how many men Serena slept with this summer and what Blair will do to exact revenge on Chuck for leaving her stranded at the helipad. It must have been a summer for our favourite characters.

Of course, the CW uses any excuse to brush off that Serena in Grand Central Station stock footage by recapping the entire first century for those who have forgotten all the backstabbing and who has the upper hand in what relationship over the summer.

The season begins with Nate being sexed up by an older woman that is obviously not Serena. Chuck is on a topless beach fully clothed with topless women when he gets a blast from Gossip Girl. Guess who’s been spotted!

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And spotted, alone again? Miss VD Woodsen!

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Lonely Boy seems to have rebounded from Serena quite nicely…

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and

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He’s doing some internship for a writer (played by Jay McInerney) where he is supposed to be writing but has probably been too busy judging to have actually written anything.

Jenny has been slaving away as an intern at Waldorf Designs, a place where they tell each other “It gets better” as if it were a PSA for gays struggling with bullying and self-hatred for something they have no choice about. Little J.’s hair and designs will NOT get better though.

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Little J doesn’t know why her brother and Serena broke up.

Serena spots Chuck looking in the mirror. My GOD, with this bad hair, is he trying to pass for a Humphrey?

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Serena figures Chuck has heard that Blair is headed to the Hamptons and wants to look pretty. She warns him Blair will never forgive him, and Chuck says that Serena’s relationship with Nate is fake. Oh, so Serena is adding “beard for gay dudes” to her resume. Got it.

And Chuck shows up to greet Blair only to spot this kiss.

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Too late, Chuck! Blair is not going to stay on the market for long, and she is not going to be with someone who oh…stands her up for a trip to Tuscany.

Gossip Girl: Ain’t karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is.

Blair is shocked (as are viewers) that Serena has stayed celibate all summer long.

Blair: A hot lifeguard is like Kleenex. Use once and throw away…the only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey.

Organic my ass.

Serena is so blond that she doesn’t realize that Blair starts talking ad naseum about how awesome the previously unmentioned new beaux, James, is until she looks up and sees Chuck Bass behind her. Blair does her best to make Chuck jealous, but Chuck’s not playing.

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Rufus is still on tour. No one cares. Dan is judging you for not caring. And Dan is judging his father who said people without taste like Jack Johnson. Well, Rufus is right but I digress.

Dan didn’t write his story and the writer dude fires him. Team Writer Dude.

But is this Revenge or Gossip Girl?

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Eric makes Jenny apologize for being a total bitch, and the two start to make up. Every gay needs his hag.

Blair and Serena wonder what Nate’s up to. Why, being the boy toy of Shelly, the waitress from Twin Peaks. She hasn’t aged at all!

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Chuck let’s Blair’s New Dude, James, know that he knows Blair’s fave films are Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Roman Holiday and Charade. Nice pun. Blair corrects him, saying she hates Charade and prefers Funny Face. Odd, as My Fair Lady, Tiffany’s and How to Steal a Million are Audrey Hepburn’s best films.

CeCe alert! Being offended by Chuck calling her Grandma.

James has a peculiar accent, not quite British but not quite American. Chuck’s the only one around these parts that can pull it off, but I guess Blair does have a type…

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Awesome mise-en-scene again. Now I know why Blair and Chuck are in green. Chuck is sad that Blair gave James a pin and realizes that she does love James and she is over him, just like Serena is over being a hussy and Eric is over being gay and Dan Dan is over judging.

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Oh no! Twin Peaks waitress’s husband just arrived home! Now Nate has to rip off Desperate Housewives and run out without his clothes! This is just to show off Chace Crawford’s shirtless, which is always a welcome sight.

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DAMN THAT MOTHERCHUCKER!

Blair says the show’s most infamous line before admitting that she doesn’t even like James! I don’t like these dresses, but if I say that, I’m no better than Judging Dan.

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Yes, Blair, that is hard to do, find a good fake boyfriend on short notice. Chuck might be headed back to the city and miss the White Party! How dare he! The White Party sounds like the perfect time to be Dan Dan and judge everyone on their fashion sense or lack thereof!

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Awkward moment.

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vlcsnap-2014-06-19-15h09m56s207We find out that James the Fake Boyfriend told Chuck he goes to Princeton while Blair believes Georgetown and that Twin Peaks Waitress new name is Catherine or Katherine or Kathyrn or a spelling not invented yet. Chaterin?

During a game of croquet, Eric reveals he found out that James doesn’t go to any of the schools he had said he had gone to, so Chuck dials his private investigator on speed dial. Seriously, croquet?

Then Blair is about to end things with James, despite what fun those six days had been, when she gets this disturbing message (and by disturbing, this should be great drama ahead!)

Serena found out she’s going with Nate to this White Party, which is news to her.

Oh hell no, Dan has showed up in the Hamptons. Brooklyn don’t do Hamptons, honey!

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No wonder Little J’s boss went off on her. Eggshell most definitely is NOT white.

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Dan runs into a fashionably late Cece, who has had a change of heart after her cancer went into remission (nice way to totally gloss over that forgotten plot point, writers). She gets Dan an invite to the White Party.

James realizes Blair is using him to get back at Chuck.

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PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALERT. Who else wants Vitamin Water?

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Turns out Eric got Jenny into the party as his plus one. Yawn.

James confronts and dumps Blair, and Chuck gloats. Blair turns it back on him, saying if he wasn’t such a meanie-mean head, she wouldn’t have had to use James as a fake boyfriend in the first place, and anything similar to Chuck was a part of her she would hate as THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Woman scorned and all.

During Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi, Serena decides to make out with Nate to make Twin Peaks Waitress jealous.

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And Dan Dan arrives. He judges Serena for being a hussy, then his own Book Store Hussies have gotten to talking and realized that he’s a two-timing jerkface jerk, so they pour their drinks all over him. Team Book Store Hussies.

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And then Dan Dan and Serena kiss and everything is good again blah blah blah.

Blair apologizes to James the Bore, and James the Bore says he hasn’t been honest either. His name is Marcus, and he is British and a Lord. I shall call him Lord of the Boring.

Twin Peaks Waitress and Nate are back to closet shagging in more than one sense of the word closet.

Oh just shag already.

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Chuck apologizes and tells Blair how scared he is about being with her, pleading with her not to leave with James or Marcus or Lord of the Boring or whatever the hell he is called.

Blair: Give me one reason, and ‘I’m Chuck Bass’ doesn’t count…….three words, eight letters. Say it, and I’m yours.

Chuck can’t get past “I”, so Blair leaves with the Lord of the Boring.

They say summer love is fleeting. But sometimes what starts as a fling can lead to the real thing.

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A simple trip to the beach could be all it takes to clear our heads and open our hearts

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And write a new ending to an old story.

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There are those who got burned by the heat. They just want to forget and start over.

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While there are others who want each moment to last forever. But everyone can agree on one thing. Tans fade, highlights go dark and we all get sick of sand in our shoes.

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But the end of summer is the beginning of a new season. So we find ourselves looking to the future. You ain’t seen nothing yet. XOXO Gossip Girl

vlcsnap-2014-06-19-15h55m23s81All and all, a great premiere that gives a glimmer of hope to those wanting Chuck and Blair together while delaying the pleasure of actually having them together, and also teasing Dan and Serena fans with a reunion. The “three words, eight letters” is already classic Chuck and Blair. And Jay McInerney playing a writer who fires Dan is the icing on the cake. I can’t wait to see what lies ahead for us this season. I think I’ll just relax in a nice Chair and forget about the roses. 

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