A very special congratulations goes out to Blake Lively (who plays Serena) on her pregnancy!
Last week, Vanessa committed a federal crime by opening Jenny’s letter from Nate and Lily decided to be a parent to Jenny, who moved back in with Rufus. Lily then took her kids and left Casa WarBass when she found out Daddy WarBass had dossiers on her kids. We also found out Lily had been institutionalized but not for what (alcoholism?). And Aaron Rose continued to be Creepy Bores, and Eleanor got engaged to Cyrus. Inconceivable. Happy Thanksgiving from the Upper East Side (although this week looks like Christmas. Time flies!) I hope we get to see how nice life would be without the Humphreys, but I’m not that lucky.
It’s that time of year! The Senior Snowflake Charity Ball! Wait, these guys go to high school? Anyway, Blair has a LONG LIST of potential suitors. Big surprise Chuck doesn’t like any of them.
The show continues to lose touch with reality as they want us to believe Serena even knows who Anna Karenina is, let alone read the book. But the Snowflake Ball makes Serena feel like Anna Karenina! If this is another Safran episode…it’s not. Who is Robert Hull? Let’s hope he doesn’t write any more episodes.
Much to everyone’s and no one’s surprise, Dan Dan is going to go to the Snowflake Ball too! And hang out with Serena! And Creepy Bores will be okay with it! Yawn. Someone needs to die or something as this show is getting very, very, very boring.
I suggest these two as two characters who can die to liven up the show:
Jenny is reorganizing the loft in hopes to forget Nate, and Vanessa tells her to move on (so Vanessa can move in on Nate.) Hussy.
Penelope: Oh, hello weird documentary girl.
Vanessa: Bye, sad Blair wannabe.
Penelope wants Little J . to design her a dress, even though she still hates Jenny. The price the Mean Girls pay for fashion (not that Jenny’s designs are fashion)
Lily has been avoiding Daddy WarBass, her husband. Of course, he shows up when she’s talking to Rufus about something professional (the Senior Snowball Charity Ball).
Serena runs into Creepy Bores’ ex just as the ex is bitching about how TACKY the artwork involving Serena is. Team Ex (Lexi the Ex).
Spotted doing something Jenny doesn’t know about and sent to Gossip Girl.
Penelope really wants to know what happened between Nate and Jenny so she can make a move. This conveniently timed Gossip Girl blast changed that idea.
Daddy WarBass tells Lily he fired the private investigator and he’s going to change, really, just give him a second chance and go to the Snowflake Ball with him. Lily says she has things to do (meaning bottles of wine to drink) and walks away, as Daddy WarBass has a snow(flake)ball’s chance in hell right now of getting her to forgive him.
Dan flirts with Lexi the Ex (of Creepy Bores) about coffee made from cat, while he secretly judges her for having had cat coffee in Indonesia. For Dan, judging is First Base. Serena gets Creepy Bores to agree to take her to the Snowflake Ball and now everyone’s going to hang out like they’re BFF. Awkward. Later, they all decide to go to the Snowflake Ball in a group. More awkward. Creepy Bores explains that Lexi puts out on the first date as a political statement, which Serena TOTALLY understands as she also puts out on the first date sometimes as she IS IN LOVE with the dude after five minutes. But as the date is with Dan, Serena disapproves.
Jenny and Vanessa have strong words. What did Nate ever do to be stuck as the focal point of a triangle between THESE two anyway?
Blair decided to just wear any ole thing lying ‘round the house to see Chuck.
The dastardly duo decide to choose each other’s date. How about…EACH OTHER? Anyway, as everything is a game with these two, they wager the limo and Dorota for whoever likes their date more. Dorota isn’t too happy about this.
Daddy WarBass takes off to Miami letting Chuck know how disappointed he is in him.
The Mean Girls decide to use Jenny’s friendship with Vanessa to teach The Annoying One (sorry, Vanessa. I have to remember there are Two Annoying Ones. Well, three if you count Dan. Okay, from now on, I will always specify.) a lesson. Isabel’s dress is see through. You can see where this is going.
S. admits to Blair that she hasn’t taken a whirl on the Creepy Bores little creeper. Blair is astonished.
Yep, Little J. offers Vanessa the see-thru dress as a “peace offering.” Yawn.
Dorota joined Facebook and is helping Blair find Chuck a date. Not making this up. And, of course, the perfect girl Blair describes is herself. But no, has to find another Blair!
Serena decides to sex Creepy Bores up.
Vanessa admits she is jealous of the Humphreys. That has to be some pathetic life Vanessa has had. We actually know NOTHING about her family, other than a lesbian sister I think.
Lily decides to go ahead and go to the Snowflake Ball with Daddy WarBass, but come to find out, he’s in a meeting with his PI he said he fired. Lily cancels the date then.
Mean Girls all dressed up:
Blair and Chuck:
Blair and Chuck found each other’s doppelgänger. They bicker, leaving the dopplegangers to themselves. I wonder what will happen. I have no clue. (/sarcasm font)
Lily meets up with Rufus and announces that she’s leaving Daddy WarBass.
Creepy Bores flirts with Lexi, leaving Dan and Serena to talk.
Vanessa tells Jenny she’s going to end things with Nate.
Vanessa then comes clean to Nate about her federal crime of opening Jenny’s mail and taking it. Nate’s father, Captain Finally In Prison, knows all about federal crimes. Vanessa goes to run off, and as Jenny tries to stop it, the Mean Girls have the spotlight right on Vanessa and her see-thru gown.
Nate, somehow having a higher IQ than we thought, figures out that Jenny was behind DressGate and tells her they have no chance, ever. Team Nate.
And, of course, Chuck and Blair’s dates for each other end up making out. So we’re now stealing Saved by the Bell scripts?
Lily tells Rufus she always tries to do the right thing, which shows that Lily is a bad judge of right and wrong. Maybe Dan can help teach her to judge? Rufus then says he always regretted never stopping her wedding to Daddy WarBass in the first place.
Chuck calls Daddy WarBass to tell him he saw Lily and Rufus, interrupting Daddy WarBass’s final meeting with the PI, who has something HUGE he can’t wait to share with Daddy WarBass.
I can’t believe Lily hasn’t had one drink yet. Chuck tells Lily Daddy WarBass is on his way.
Nate forgives Vanessa for the stolen letter as she’s never loved anyone like she’s loved Nate. Romance on the Upper East Side. Nate should’ve chosen himself. Jenny sees their reconciliation. I hope she runs into traffic. And I take back that Team Nate.
C’mon, even the Fake Blair and Fake Chuck got together. Can’t Blair just dance with Chuck like he wants? Or say whatever those three words are? (Please Fire Safran?) Good, they start dancing.
Lily gets a call from a restricted number. Her sponsor?
Serena and Dan apologize to each other about interfering and inquiring about each other’s sex lives. Dan then judges the both of them for their lack of sex.
Lily thankfully breaks up the boring conversation with the news Daddy WarBass has been in an accident. Fade to black.
So an offscreen accident for a secondary character. Will Daddy WarBass live? Will he die? Do we care? Why is the show so boring lately? I know good things come in the second half of the second season, but I forgot how snoozeville the second half of the first half of the season was. Next week marks the halfway point of the super long (25 episodes) season 2. Let’s hope the good stuff coming comes sooner rather than later.