Miss Carr headed back to Iowa after sending everyone’s business to Gossip Girl, Nelly took Blair’s seat at Yale and the senior class play was The Age of Innocence. Also, for having a gay brother, Serena is lacking in the gaydar department. Chuck realized his heart wanted Blair just around the time she’s about to go home with Carter Baizen.What’s next for these crazy kids?
From the title, I’m going to have to plead with the writers that it’s Jenny who makes Rufus a grandfather and not Dan, as I can’t deal with a Serena or Miss Carr pregnancy storyline.
Well, this snowy landscape has the voice over of “Spring time on the Upper East Side.” Mmmkay then.
Ohh, they just wanted to make a bad “last season” pun with that as it’s still snowing in spring. Meh. Nate is talking with his cousin, Tripp. Once again, meh.
OH! There is a GOD! Rufus isn’t a grandfather! Nate’s grandfather is lurking around. Much better for all of us!
Chuck borrowed stepsister Serena’s phone to try to find Blair, who has been MIA since her Yale Rejection.
Pregnancy hiding prop of the week: A MacBook. Nice product placement. I wonder if it was the same one Nate watched The Age of Innocence on last week.
Oh! Rufus used to date the interior designer that Lily is using to redecorate. I’m sure this is going to be a very intriguging and exciting storyline as big of a bore as a storyline as Rufus can only provide. My, Lily sure did get over Daddy WarBass rather quickly. Just wanted to point that out.
Dan and Vanessa try to talk Nate into going to his family reunion, but Nate is sooo over his family The Vanderbilts. Dan judges him, because, well, he’s Dan Humphrey and that’s what Dan does.
Lily and Rufus decide to make lists of all the people they ever dated, as this ALWAYS is the way for healthy relationships to grow. Lily then writes out a check for 1 billion dollars to Save-The-Rainforest for the amount of trees her list will kill. C’mon, there were laptops in 2009! You don’t need to PRINT the list, Lily.
Nate goes to the family reunion where his grandfather arrives by helicopter. This storyline better lead to some MAJOR Dan and Vanessa mockery or else I’m going to have to mock them AND this lame-o story myself! Even Gossip Girl herself couldn’t be arsed to come up with a decent voice over for this.
Chuck walks into the post coital aftermath of “not at all because these two were dating at the time in real life” hookup of Carter and Blair. Poor Chuck. Has he lost the girl?
Kudos to Penn Badgley, Chace Crawford and Jessica Szohr for so articulately playing bored teens on a mansion/museum tour. I guess they just read this week’s script surprisingly NOT written by Josh Safran.
Turns out Grandpa Vanderbilt is proud of how Nate handled Captain In Prison Gate. Yawn. I may have to Blair Waldorf and pretend most of this episode didn’t exist. I’m soooo ready for what’s ahead for the gang, and sitting through this filler is even more painful the second time around.
Blair shoplifts sunglasses as the old B. would never shoplift sunglasses. I guess this is this is the B that shows up in Season 5, the one doing things Blair doesn’t do. Not saying any more! S. is helping Chuck break up Cartier, my new nickname for Carter and Blair.
Trent Reznor is on Lily’s gigantic list of dudes she’s done. Now THAT might just be the most unrealistic thing ever on this show.
Serena: Mom, it’s going to take you 20 minutes to get through the 90’s alone.
That’s what she said.
Lily: Do you think he’ll judge? (Me: He’s the father of Dan Dan.)
Serena: Maybe you should sneak a peak at his little black book before dropping the yellow pages on him. Slash. Seriously?
Now we have MGMT’s “Kids” playing over a scene with American football at the Vanderbilt mansion. Dan judges Nate on bad football playing. Vanessa “feels like a Republican at the Kennedy compound” and then bonds with Maureen, Tripp’s fiancée. Maureen warns Vanessa the Vanderbilts might make Nate want to become…ewww…a politican.This is exactly as boring as it sounds.
Chuck and Carter engage in a pissing contest. Serena walks in and Carter asks “Good cop, Bass cop?” The Chuck Bass pun is the most interesting thing, besides Lily’s growing notches on her many bedposts list, this week. Serena threatens to tell Blair what happened in Santorini (WTH? That’s a new one on me!) and the Greek police if Carter doesn’t use the one-way ticket to Dubai she’s bought him. Carter and Greek police. Spartacus? Chuck also wants to know what happened in Santorini. C’mon, tell us!
Next we see Blair entering a strange townhouse right before commercial break. The plot thickens.
It’s back! Drink up, Lily!
Meh, Jenny showed up and with Lily’s laptop.
Chuck is sick of playing “Where’s Waldorf”, although Dorota did say Blair mentioned to tell Mr. Chuck that “Carter is attentive to woman’s needs”. Chuck tries to bribe Dorota, which causes her to go off on him in Polish. Serena tries to cater to Dorota’s sensitive side. Does it work? We’ll see.
Vanessa pushes Nate into hanging with Tripp instead of eating Progies. I can’t make ish like that up.
Chuck and Serena find the mystery house Blair entered, and this opens the door.
Chuck: Great. Looks like Polanski’s in town.
The stepsiblings instead find Blair begging to get into Sarah Lawrence. How the mighty have fallen. I bet Brooklyn Community would accept her though. Hell, send her to Greendale. She’d look great with Jeff Winger. Blair says she’s not spending her time updating her Facebook about it. Who knew that reference would still work in 2014?
Next the Savvy Stepsiblings track down B. at an Vanderbilt party. Blair is drunk and badmouthing everyone in sight. They all look so fabulous though.
Rufus, looking for a tip for the delivery guy, finds the other 700 pages of Lily’s List of Lucky Lads Who Have Entered the Magical Lilypad of Righteous Truth. I NEVER SAW THIS ONE COMING. Except I totally did. And I’m still entertained.
Tripp spills the beans that the Vanderbilts got Nate an internship at the mayor office and his backpacking trip with Vanessa is going to be off. Damn. The two fight, but the audience’s give-a-damn is busted.
Chuck saves (in theory, as I was enjoying it) Blair from giving everyone a dressing down. Who knew that Eleanor Waldorf discontinued her third-trip-down-the-aisle line? I guess it’s needed for Lily’s eventual fifth or fiftieth (I’ve lost count) trip?
Blair then asks Chuck to take her now to “prove that nothing matters”. Chuck refuses, saying it’s not the Blair that he wants. Blair walks always, leaving him alone to “play with himself” (Thanks, Gossip Girl).
Nate finds Blair, and the two BOND, as the writers want to do a Nate-Blair-Chuck triangle. They sorta forgot Vanessa, but then again, most of us usually forget Vanessa if she’s not wearing her hideous clothes. Take out your short shorts again, folks! We also learn that Blair likes watching the old Audrey Hepburn films as she knows how they’ll turn out.
Serena slaps Dan out of nowhere. #TeamSerena. Oh, it’s for Miss Carr in the costume closet during The Age of Innocence. Dan should just be slapped out of nowhere every week. And yes, someone got it on their 2009 Verizon Smart Phone to send to Gossip Girl for the whole world to enjoy!
Rufus’ number is 13. 13 women were that desperate? Well, one of them is Lily. The two bicker over Chinese food.
Grandpa Vanderbilt announces Nate’s internship. No backpacking for Vanessa. Boo-hoo.
Awesome mood. Have to look for the positive in a blah episode (well, Humphrey did get bitchslapped). Chuck’s drinking because he’s losing Blair, by the way.
Dan judges the rich for being rich to make Vanessa feel better about maybe losing Nate.
Rufus makes a list of things that make Lily happy and the two make up. Gag.
Springtime. A season of rebirth and new beginnings.
For some, it’s a chance to turn over a new leaf.
No, Chuck’s not going after Dorota (Oh, Mr. Chuck! You have big little Chuck!). He’s trying to find Blair, but Dorota says Miss Blair asleep.
Uh oh. Doesn’t look like Miss Blair is asleep to me.
For others, it’s the surprise of seeing something bloom.
But for yours truly, it’s a reminder that everything old can be new again.XOXO, Gossip Girl
This episode was an early sign of weakness to come for our beloved show. Filler, filler and what’s worse, boring filler. I mean, Lily and Rufus were the most entertaining? WTF is that? Ok, Dan DID get slapped though. Something felt off with the voiceovers and the episode in general. Next week, however, is the Prelude to the Greatest Episode of Vulture’s Greatest Show Of Our Time.