Valley Girls. Episode 2×24.

Lily had Serena arrested because Gabriel stole everyone’s money, and Poppy stole Georgina’s Bible Money, which can only mean one thing. Blair has the impossible situation of telling Jesus that the bitch is back.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-21h25m56s39

Oh the joys of a backdoor pilot stinking up the airwaves. Brittany Snow and Krysten Ritter star as the Rhodes Sisters and we get a look back that no one was exactly asking for to see Lily as a teen. I bet there’s alcohol involved. I remember this episode being truly horrid, which cannot be a good sign. It even makes the awesome No Doubt look bad.

Also, for those of you who want followup to that Poppy Lifton story…whatevs. It’s backdoor pilot season!

It’s 1983 in Malibu! This is 1983 Lily! Daddy doesn’t have time for her and is mad she is missing school. 2009 Lily isn’t aware her children go to school. Turns out Lily was EXPELLED

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-21h26m19s18

2009 Lily arrives at the jail, where Blair comments that Serena has been in jail for four hours, “More than Nicole Ritchie and Lindsay Lohan COMBINED.”

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-21h28m07s73

And now we have the Humphrey’s and Vanessa to make things even worse. They are moping over Rufus’ non proposal.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-21h29m23s65

Serena is pissed at Lily, because I mean, Lily did have her own daughter arrested. She used Cece has her phone call, to piss off Lily, and Cece comes in judging as if her last name were Humphrey. Lily was planning on dropping the charges but now isn’t so sure. It turns out Lily also had been arrested as a youth.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-21h32m04s129

Lily’s daddy is Andrew McCarthy! Lily just spent $2 on gas! Lily’s daddy already knew she got kicked out.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-21h58m26s94

And 80’s Cece Cynthia Watros!

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-21h59m55s211

Turns out Lily wanted to get expelled and is mad Daddy pulled some strings and got that expulsion turned into a suspension. Lily wants to live with Daddy and not Cece. Blah blah blah. And Lily is the stable sister. Carol is wild wild wild! I can’t take this shit. The backdoor pilot was not picked up, and Brittany Snow went on to be acawesome in Pitch Perfect. The rest of this episode shows Lily’s life in the 80s and Carol driving Lily to be a Wild Girl and getting arrested. I’ll mention if there is a Julie Cooper mention, as it was supposed to be connected to The O.C., but I’m not holding my breath.

In 2009, Lily is judging her mother for drinking gin. I guess Lily is hoping for a proposal from a Humphrey after all with that judgment.

Serena is still in jail because her mother thinks she isn’t old enough to make her own decisions. So she decided to stay in jail. Serena was accepted into Yale and Brown if you remember correctly and turned down Yale. She’s even missing PROM for this!

Dorota has good news and bad news. The drycleaners ruined Blair’s dress, but no worries, as she has a new one already in from Paris! Riiiiight.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h14m38s81

Nate is wondering if Chuck is sabotaging Prom. He denies it.

Lily kicks Cece out and says she’s toxic. Yawn.

1980s Lily is worried that she might have to become a prostitute and give “BJs”.

Now Lily is worried she’s dressed like a Halloween costume.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h25m13s29

And Serena’s been busted out of jail. By DAN. Let’s all judge!

Poor No Doubt.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h31m27s187

The Mean Girls are ready to vote for Prom Queen and King. Blair scoffs, saying it’s for suburban schools and the lame-teen films set in them…but learns there is a tiara involved.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h33m36s195 vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h33m52s107

The Mean Girls decide to commit election fraud so Nelly Yuki wins. Chuck overhears.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h35m19s200

Dan broke Serena out of jail and he judges himself and then judges Lily for being a bad mother. Cece is the one who paid the bail though.

Carol traded her Beamer to invest in fanny packs. I’m just…this episode is that lame that I can’t even mock it properly. They then get Lily to break and enter to get something of Carol’s back or some shit. I stopped paying attention.

2009 Lily and Rufus talk about things, and Rufus pretty much dumps her ass.

Serena shows up looking fabulous. Blair talks to Dan for 10 seconds so he can consider himself repaid for getting S. out of jail.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h46m07s26

Dancing scenes go back and forth from the 80s and the 00s. This is exactly how I wanted Gossip Girl prom to be! A totally lame 80’s backdoor pilot about a character we don’t care that much about in the 2000s and her lame sister (played by the awesome Krysten Ritter though) that we have never seen before!

And 80s Lily kisses the busboy!

Blair catches Chuck “sabotaging” the Prom Queen election. Turns out, he was removing all the Nelly Yuki votes so Blair would win and have her dream PROM. Nate would NEVER do something like that! But, instead of seeing THIS scene, we’re treated to MORE 80S FLASHBACKS.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h47m08s123

And a fight breaks out in the 80s. Lily gets involved. I just wonder if this was supposed to be 80s Julie Cooper or Kirsten Cohen or something.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h48m54s160

And the Prom Queen is…

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h50m41s212

BLAIR WALDORF!

The Mean Girls are SHOCKED.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h50m55s88

Chuck voted for Blair 100 times and got Nate and Blair the penthouse at the Palace for the occasion.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-22h52m27s243

Gossip Girl fawns over the motherChucker getting Blair the title but laments that Blair is standing with the wrong king. #TeamGossipGirl

1980s Lily was arrested and all 1980s Cece cares about is keeping it out of the papers.

This episode is as horrible as I remember. The highlight of any teen show is the Prom episode, and Gossip Girl has decided that the chance for a show based on the 80s was more important than to give us, the viewers, the chance to see our fave characters dressed up and truly enjoying PROM. There was no lead up, and there is no follow through from the whole Georgina-Poppy mess from the previous episode. And there won’t be. This is the point where Gossip Girl jumped the shark.

Lily and Cece make up. Yawn.

Blair breaks up with Nate, saying the night already feels like a memory and they feel like a memory and everything is ending whine whine go find Chuck!

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-23h05m05s146

Serena comforts Blair post-breakup, and Blair remarks on Serena getting arrested and going to PROM with her quasi-half brother. Aw, incest. Don’t judge, as it’s a waste of time as Dan’s already doing it for us.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-23h13m34s112

80’s Lily is on public transport!

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-23h11m00s110

Shoulder pads may come and go, but a BFF is forever. Because even when you’re not sure where you’re headed, it helps to know you’re not going there alone.

No one has all the answers.

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-23h11m59s190

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-23h12m18s118

And sometimes the best we can do is apologize and let the past be the past. Other times we need to look to the future and know that even when we think we’ve seen it all, life can still surprise us and we can still surprise ourselves. XOXO, Gossip Girl

vlcsnap-2014-12-14-23h07m25s5

Great, does this mean a lesbian subplot between B&S is coming?

Leave a Reply