The Grandfather Part II. Episode 3×08.

Oh. Great. To follow up that snoozeville Halloween episode, they’re going to give us a Vanderbilt political episode? WTF (definitely not watch this fall)

OR

Even worse, someone’s grandfather is part of that still not seen threesome!

If this didn’t air in 2009, I’d say Gossip Girl was trying to cash in on another show

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Serena’s PR relationship with Patrick Roberts is getting him attention in Hollywood. Now Serena has to get pictures taken of Patrick Roberts and politicians. WTF not Watch This Fall.

Serena: My only value is my social network.

Got that one right.

Dan is in bed with Olivia and judging Vanessa for being away shooting a documentary. Someone in the hall at the dorm calls him “Bathroom Boy”. I’m intrigued at what exactly Olivia said during the Fallon interview.

Chuck shows off the penthouse suite to Nate. Take that as you will.

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The Vanderbilts are planning a victory party for Tripp at the hotel’s new ballroom, and Vanessa is shooting a documentary. Yawn zzzzzzzzz.

Serena drops off a DVD for the interview at Olivia’s, who is all “I didn’t mean what I said!” Well, what did you say? That you have the roommate who dresses worse than anyone else on the planet? Your boyfriend’s sister has the worst hair on the planet? Both statements are completely true. Serena reminds Olivia to keep Dan away from Gossip Girl as everything gets posted there.

S. and Blair run into each other and act catty to each other. This is supposed to be entertaining, and for once, it is.

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Serena says Blair hasn’t made friends, Blair calls her bluff as one of her college minions walks by. The minion volunteers to be her friend, but Blair says she’s not friends with staff. As if.

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Tripp wants to lose fair and square and not win by dirty campaigning. And he’s a politician? Right, another unbelievable moment for Gossip Girl.

Vanessa catches Tripp diving in the Hudson River to save a drowning man on film. This saves Trip’s election campaign.

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Vanessa’s excited because her coverage will be on the news! And yet she wears this outfit.

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Nate is all pissy with Serena, but I forget why at this point. I think some Bree Buckley-Carter Baizen plot. Ohh, yeah, he used her for the photo scheme in that bad story.

The new minions mention Vanessa as a possible friend for Blair, and Blair retorts “I have never heard that name before in my life.” Team Blair. She then dismisses the minion and relieves her of her duties..

Blair spots a new Valentino 360 bag, which she is on the waiting list for, and makes a new friend in Brandeis (Bree Williamson from One Life to Live fame. Except to see her on General Hospital sometime soon!) Blair invites her to the election celebration party.

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Dan takes Olivia to play Scrabble with the Humphreys. That’s as boring as it sounds. Jenny has been sick with some virus for a week. I bet it’s the “summer flu” (thank’s, Seth Cohen).

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Olivia deletes this message from Dan’s phone so he won’t find out about the interview.

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While editing the footage, Vanessa notices that the man Tripp saved from drowning actually JUMPED into the Hudson River. The plot thickens.

Serena and Patrick Roberts ogle each other. Patrick Roberts dug some scripts out of the trash and wants to do the remake of Leaving Las Vegas that has Miley Cyrus in the Elisabeth Shue role. Let’s all thank God that one never got made.

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Vanessa tells Nate about the video. He asks her to wait before selling the tape. She refuses and sticks to her Brooklyn morals. Nate then calls the news company.

Serena tries to talk politics! Let’s all have a drink!

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Serena and Blair continue to try to make each other jealous. Do I smell their annual catfight?

Blair then catches Patrick Roberts taking a leak in an inappropriate place.

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Dan finds the DVD of Jimmy Fallon. He then gets mad after watching it, and walks out before playing “Q” on a double letter, which is “so not the Humphrey way.”

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Nate apparently had Vanessa meet with a fake someone to sell the footage. Whatever, political plots are not becoming on you, Gossip Girl.

Blair had someone escort Patrick Roberts to his room since he was so drunk, which Serena is not too happy about. Catfight soon?

On Jimmy Fallon, Olivia reveals that on her first date with Humphrey Dumpty that he came back from the restroom with his shirt on inside out because a spider had crawled into it. It’s a shame it wasn’t an Sydney Funnel Web spider. Dan Dan might not find the story funny, but I find it hilarious.

Serena finds Patrick Roberts passed out in bed but reveals that Blair’s new BFF is a call girl.

I knew there had to be a twist. I highly approve of this one.

Vanessa confronts Nate at a very important election party wearing THIS:

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Vanessa got the tape to News 1 anyway. Burrrrrn. Trip doesn’t know anything about it, and Grandfather claims to know nothing either. Tripp decides to withdraw from the race. Vanessa shows up to do some Humphrey-style judging.

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Serena tricks Brandeis into admitting she’s a call girl while Brandeis is flirting with a Congressman. Now this political scandal is starting to get interesting. The Congress man naturally believes Serena is a call girl, and Brandeis is mad that Serena is trying to steal her territory!

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Patrick Roberts rejoins the party just as Chuck tries to defend the scandal erupting with the Tripp election.

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Serena gloats, and she and Blair continue to exchange words. Chuck Bass has to break up the words being had and informing Blair that her new BFF was indeed a call girl.

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Blair then suggests that it’s Serena getting paid to date her clients. “If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…” Blair calls Serena a prostitute and walks away for some cake.

Which Serena kindly pushes her into.

Team Let’s Get This Catfight Started!

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Nate confesses to setting up the hoax and says Trip had no knowledge of the event.

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Serena tries to explain to Chuck she is not a prostitute because she’s not sleeping with the clients, just pretending to be his girlfriend in front of the camera. Subtle disction. And Serena usually gives it out for free anyway, like candy on Halloween. Her legs are like a 7/11. Always open. I digress. Chuck chides Serena for being childish and tells her to make up with Blair.

Olivia apologises to Dan, and after he judges, he says the spider story isn’t true. Turns out he was sweating so much he had to go blow dry his shirt. They make up. It is digusting.

Who gives a damn?

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Tripp wins. Yawn. At the age of 26. Yawn. Nate and Tripp hug and make up.

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Caption this!

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Blair doesn’t accept the apology.

Brandeis makes some money! Blair confronts her, finds out Brandeis *is* a prostitute and that Brandeis used her to expand her client list!

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Patrick Roberts mistakes Serena for a prostitute (Gee, I wonder WHY) so she quits via napkin.

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Tripp’s wife cozies up to Grandfather William and confesses she was the one who set up the hoax. Gossip Girl believes viewers are interested in all these side characters when we are NOT. Yawn again!

Chuck comforts Blair. Blair says Chuck is all she needs.

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Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines we’ve drawn

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Until we’ve crossed them

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That’s when we rely on the ones we love to pull us back

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Jimmy Fallon makes anniversary cakes?

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And give us something to hold on to

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Serena and Tripp flirt. Isn’t he married? And a newly-elected Congressman?

Then there are the clearly marked lines, the ones that if you dare cross, you may never find your way back. XOXO gossip girl

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Still no threesome! I think maybe that’s a good thing. But if Tripp the married man is flirting with Serena….uh oh.

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