Til death to us part, XOXO, Gossip Girl

And all in an instant, everything changes. We leave the past behind and speed to the unknown: Our future. We set off to far off places and try to find ourselves or try to lose ourselves, exploring pleasures closer to home. The problems start when we refuse to let change happen and cling to old habits. But if we hold on to the past too tight, the future may never come. Til death to us part. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

I can’t do it. I’m sorry.

I lived through the complete mess that is the last four seasons once, and I don’t think I can do it again. There is so much negativity and hate and anger stemming from the middle part of Season 4 right up until the season finale. The show never even got TRASHY bad, just bad. And Trashy Bad I can work with. Bad bad? I’m not doing it again. Sorry. I don’t need the negativity in my life.

Sorry to everyone out there, but I gave it the old college try. I thought the promise of seeing Katie Cassidy’s Juliet (the best Gossip Girl character ever) would keep me motivated, but not even that can make me deal with the last half of the series. The show had so much potential that it squandered.

For those who never watched the show and are interested in knowing just how bad the show gets, well, read ahead.


Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Blair, I am selling you for a hotel! -Chuck
Blair, I took Jenny’s virginity! -Chuck
Blair, I got shot in Prague! -Chuck
Blair, I am whiter than white, and I am trying to grow a fro so will you date me? -Dan Humphrey
I don’t do Humphreys especially at Russian Film Festivals. -Blair
Blair marries a prince and Humphrey writes a novel where he has a sexual relationship with her (I never saw most of S5 so THAT IS MY STORY).
Someone shows up pretending to be Serena’s cousin, and isn’t, but is, but isn’t, but is BFF with Serena’s cousin, and some shit.
Chuck’s mom is alive! No, that’s not his mom! Yes, yes it is! No, no it isn’t!
Gossip Girl causes Blair to miscarry the Prince of Monaco’s baby in an “homage” to Princess Diana.
Georgina is pregnant with Dan’s baby! Oh wait, no she’s not.
Georgina is Gossip Girl! Oh wait, no she’s not, just subbing for Gossip Girl, and half the show sub for the real Gossip Girl cos Gossip Girl caused Blair to miscarry!
Elizabeth Hurley gives some sort of f*** about Gossip Girl and these kids. Is SHE Chuck’s mother?
Blair, my dad didn’t die and is back from the dead, so I’m going to push him off the roof so you have to marry me so you don’t have to testify against me.  -Chuck
Chuck, that’s so romantic! -Blair
They marry just before Chuck is arrested.
Oh hey everyone, I’m Dan Humphrey, Gossip Girl. I caused miscarriages and broadcast Chuck taking my sister’s virginity on the internet for the world to see, I wrote shit about every one of you, let’s go have drinks.   -Dan Humphrey, aka Gossip Girl
Everyone says okay!
And Rufus marries Lisa Loeb.
I will leave you with the few remaining good things I didn’t get around to covering.

As for me, I keep a travel blog at Setmeravelles when I’m not working on my novel or teaching English in Spain. I figure I might as well step out from beneath the mask of a disgruntled Gossip Girl fanboy. Chair rules, Dair drools.

You know you love me XOXO Gossip Girl

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