Gossip Girl Season 1. A look back.

We saw the best of times (Georgina wrecking havoc on everyone’s live, Blair getting wild at Vitrola, limo sex, Mean Girls and headbands) and the worst of times (Anything from Brooklyn invading the Upper East Side, Lily having to be a parent once or twice, Nate’s father Captain Not a Very Good Person pretending his drugs were Nate’s, committing fraud and embezzlement and a bunch of other boring crimes, then skipping town).

The pilot showed Serena returning from a mysterious trip to boarding school after Eric attempted suicide (later assumed to be his inability to deal with being gay, but as the show glossed over this plot point, we just have to make an ass out of u and me about it). We later find out it was not because she took her best friend’s boyfriend’s virginity but because later that evening, she unknowingly made a snuff film. Had she not told Pete to do another line of coke because she wasn’t feeling sex with him, perhaps Pete would be alive today! read more

Much I Do About Nothing. Episode 1×18.

It’s here, the Season One finale of Gossip Girl. It’s been a long season. So long everyone has forgotten that Nate’s Captain Forgotten Plot Point is rotting away in prison. Serena has maintained a steady relationship (good for her!). Blair lost her virginity to Chuck and then re-lost it to Nate. Georgina came to town, and we found out that Serena once killed a man in a snuff film. Good thing she turned down that cocaine!

So how will Season 1 end? Will the gang get revenge on Georgina, or will Dan Dan fall for her evil tricks? (Seriously, Georgina, if you’re so desperate to piss off Serena that you’d try to seduce DAN…) Will Nate remember his father? Will Jenny ever be ungrounded? Will Lily marry Daddy Warbass or go back to slumming it in Brooklyn with the Humphrey’s! Will Blair even be forgive by Nate or Chuck? Will Nate realize that he’s dating VANESSA? Will any of these questions be answered? Let’s find out! read more

Women on the Verge. Episode 1×17.

Another Almodóvar reference! Anyway, last week, we found out Serena killed someone. I swear, if the CW pulled out an abortion is murder lecture…keep the pro-life/pro-choice debates off my teen soaps! I hope Serena actually did kill someone and NOT in self-defense. Something juicy. Something that will shock me.

She probably gave someone a lethal case of herpes or something though with my luck.

Murderer Serena. Where do we go from here?

vlcsnap-2014-06-04-15h28m26s54

Ah hell, the recaps reminded me Nate and Vanessa are a thing now. read more

All About My Brother. Episode 1×16

This is one of my favorite episodes, and I’m going to give them 1000 Meow Meow Beanz for naming an episode after an Almodóvar film. Shit happens this episode. Shit is revealed. If Soaps In Depth were covering this episode, they would proclaim THE UPPER EAST SIDE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME next to the picture of Vanessa Marcil asking if Brenda is returning to General Hospital.

I just hope this Sarah person (Georgina’s nice twin? I mean, Georgina would never pretend to be someone she’s not, would she? I’m playing coy.) doesn’t come between Dan and Serena! read more

Desperately Seeking Serena. Episode 1×15.

The Key to bitchy awesomeness has arrived. Buffy fans have probably caught on to the fact that Michelle Trachtenberg might be guest-starring at some point with the Key references. What they don’t know is that her character will be much more Kathryn’s little sister from Cruel Intentions than Buffy’s annoying kid sister Dawn.

Why, you ask? I mean, she’s already sent Serena porn, handcuffs, cocaine and champagne. What else can she do?

Don’t answer that question.

vlcsnap-2014-05-23-22h26m18s16

The gang is preparing for the SATs. read more

Blair Bitch Project. Episode 1×14

Now this is an interesting title I can live with. We’re also starting the last string of episodes of the first season, the episodes post-strike. There is a noted difference in the tone and feel of the episodes if I remember correctly, and as I’ve said before, these are some of the best episodes of the entire series.

We left off with Blair having just been dumped by Nate and Chuck and Gossip Girl had posted the news that Blair had slept with the bros from different hoes for the world to see (thanks to Jenny telling Nate and Chuck sending the tip to Gossip Girl), Rufus boring us greatly, and Serena still was only in love with Dan. Where do we go from here? read more

A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate. Episode 1×13.

It’s called a condom. Good thing GG is promoting safe sex to an impressionable young audience. (Who are we kidding? Most GG fans were in their 20s, but it pretended to be for teens!)

I suppose the title really means a secret is going to come out. I smell threeway. (I know, not until season three, but still.)

Also, for anyone who has watched the entire show, this episode is solid proof that You Know Who Could Not Be Gossip Girl. Viewers always know better than desperate writers (Josh Safran) who pull things out of their ass at the table read for the series finale. read more

School Lies. Episode 1×12.

I just looked, and we have two episodes left before the post-2008 writers’ strike break which brought us the best Gossip Girl episodes. Damn. I’m anxious to relive those. And then it’s all downhill to the point where it sinks below special-guest star Hillary Duff territory.

Don’t worry, there is a ton of good stuff beforehand, and the bad stuff is quite mockable.

So the questions we were left with are the following:

Has Chuck told Nate that not only do they share a bromance but the same girl? That Chuck left Blair as sloppy seconds for Nate? read more

Roman Holiday. Episode 1×11.

Are we going to Rome? Could that be what the episode name refers to? That’d be a great episode. Instead, it’s probably a lame Christmas episode. At least we have an Audrey Hepburn reference for Miss Blair.

Where is Chuck Bass? My guess, a brothel. I hope it’s not the one Serena called boarding school.

vlcsnap-2014-04-19-13h55m31s61

It’s a bizarre bazaar at the private schools on the Upper East Side just in time for Christmas! Here’s a good question. This is the 11th episode about a group of high schoolers on the Upper East Side. I think we have seen them maybe twice at school in these 11 episodes. The College Week episode, Episode 3 was the one episode that took place at school. The show was constantly criticized for all the underage drinking. However, no one ever thought to criticize them for the truancy. Granted, the show would be pretty damn boring if it showed them in class, but at least we saw Harbour from time to time on The O.C. read more

Hi, Society. Episode 1×10.

This is almost as bad of a pun as Blair Waldorf Must Pie. Almost. Anyone think the family bonding saw in the last episode will carry over? If you said yes, then I have some ocean front property in Arizona for sale.

Carter and the poker game from The Lost Weekend are mentioned in the recap. Uh oh. But so is Blair dismissing Jenny, which never gets old.

But it looks like Blair and Nate (Nair) are NOT over! Break out those short shorts as Nair is coming. I’d rather sit down in a nice comfortable Chair though. read more