The Goodbye Gossip Girl. Episode 2×25

Last week was a total waste of time as it was a failed backdoor pilot for a show about Lily in the 80’s, and it was also PROM, which was more an afterthought. Now it’s time for the Season 2 Season Finale. What’s going to happen to our gang? Will Georgina get her Bible money back? Did Blair ever tell Jesus that the Bitch is Back? (Wait, if Jesus is the Son of God, wouldn’t he already know?) Or was Blair too busy breaking up with Nate to relay the message? Let’s find out!

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It’s graduation time on the Upper East Side, and as Gossip Girl herself says, who needs “Pomp and Circumstance” when you’ve got paparazzi? Serena is ready to end high school as she figures it’ll end her reign as Gossip Girl’s #1 target. She was the very first blast on the Gossip Girl site back in 9th grade when she wore a white dress on a rainy day. Serena is just excited as Gossip Girl doesn’t do college, yo. read more

Valley Girls. Episode 2×24.

Lily had Serena arrested because Gabriel stole everyone’s money, and Poppy stole Georgina’s Bible Money, which can only mean one thing. Blair has the impossible situation of telling Jesus that the bitch is back.

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Oh the joys of a backdoor pilot stinking up the airwaves. Brittany Snow and Krysten Ritter star as the Rhodes Sisters and we get a look back that no one was exactly asking for to see Lily as a teen. I bet there’s alcohol involved. I remember this episode being truly horrid, which cannot be a good sign. It even makes the awesome No Doubt look bad. read more

The Wrath of Con. Episode 2×23.

Georgina is back, having converted to Christianity in her time at boot camp. Serena realized that Gabriel was scamming everyone, including Rufus, so thank God she didn’t accidentally marry him in Spain. And Nate bought Blair an apartment so she wouldn’t have to take the SUBWAY.

Serena Boyfriend Count: 5

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This episode ends with the best quote ever. Fair warning.

Chuck is a bit miffed that the taxi back from Jesus Camp is without glasses for his flask, and he neglects to tell Serena he’s bringing back a friend (Georgina, the one he gave his flower to in the sixth grade). He offers Georgina a drink. read more

Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Episode 2×22.

Serena came back from Spain unsure if she’s married (she’s not), Blair dealt with Nate’s Evil Grandfather, Chuck and Jenny worked through their issues, and there was a seder with Dan as the cater waiter. This week…Chuck Bass might get saved.

Serena Boyfriend Count: 5 (I’m going to include Nate as there were flashbacks last season).

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This episode has perhaps the best plot twist ever in the history of television for anyone with a sense of humor about the whole thing. If you’re reading this, chances are, you have a sense of humor. I mean…is Gossip Girl meant to be taken seriously? read more

Seder Anything. Episode 2×21.

It was Jenny’s party and she’ll cry if she wants to (you’d cry too if you were a Humphrey), Lily was annoyed that she had to be a parent, Chuck and Vanessa feel that sex neither one of them wants to brag about is the best way to make Nate and Blair jealous, and Serena ran off to Spain. Hmm, their economic crisis got really bad around the time Serena visited. Can we blame her?

Next week we shall start the Official Serena Man count. Dan is 1, Aaron Rose is 2, Pretentious Gay Director is 3…

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Remains of the J. Episode 2×20.

Last week, a bunch of boring stuff with Nate’s grandfather a VANDERBILT transpired that lead him back to Blair, perhaps, Serena slapped Dan (#TeamSerena), and Lily destroyed the entire Amazon rainforest by writing down the names of all her lovers. What’s next? From the episode description, barf bags for all. “S has just the gift for little J’s Sweet 16: A party with all of S’s stuffy socialite friends. Looks like no one is going to get what they want this year!” I’d like Jenny to murder Vanessa in a murder-suicide, and I don’t think I’ll be getting that! read more

The Grandfather. Episode 2×19.

Miss Carr headed back to Iowa after sending everyone’s business to Gossip Girl, Nelly took Blair’s seat at Yale and the senior class play was The Age of Innocence. Also, for having a gay brother, Serena is lacking in the gaydar department. Chuck realized his heart wanted Blair just around the time she’s about to go home with Carter Baizen.What’s next for these crazy kids?

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From the title, I’m going to have to plead with the writers that it’s Jenny who makes Rufus a grandfather and not Dan, as I can’t deal with a Serena or Miss Carr pregnancy storyline. read more

The Age of Dissonance. Episode 2×18.

Miss Carr and Dan did the NASTY (and I mean NASTY), Blair nearly got expelled for sending tips to Gossip Girl, and Vanessa wanted to do Eyes Wide Shut with Nate as his eyes were already shut tight. (Do you blame him?) What’s next on the Upper East Side?

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THE AGE OF INNOCENCE! I love how GG took a chance and did an episode told through a play about crusty old rich people being played by people who would be crusty old rich people in 50 years. Backstage and onstage, the drama is going to happen. And a lot of it! Who cares if we’ve never heard of the senior-class play before and it came out of nowhere (no talk, no rehearsals, nada nada nada). It’s awesome on a stick. read more

Carnal Knowledge. Episode 2×17.

After we suffer through this episode (that isn’t really that bad, but not as good as what’s ahead), the best episodes of Gossip Girl will arrive. We can rejoice, albeit briefly, as the best will give way to four seasons of unwatchableness after thinking a failed backdoor pilot about Lily in the 80s proving Like Mother Like Daughter was a good idea. First, we must see what happens after Serena was accepted and then turned down Yale for Blair, this Miss Carr teacher is up to and how far Blair’s war against her will go, the aftermath of Jack Bass nearly raping Lily which gave her the ability to push him out of Bass Industries and if the show will ever mention the Secret Love Child between Lily and Rufus again. Also, always remember, the less Vanessa and Jenny, the better! read more

You’ve Got Yale. Episode 2×16.

Previously on Gossip Girl a will was read, providing more drama than usual, and Rufus and Lily ran away to Boston to try to find their Secret Love Child. Serena and Dan found out they have sibling in common, which is totally a mood-killer. Uncle Jack managed to get Chuck fired from Bass Industries to take it over. What will happen next? Please tell us, Gossip Girl! We’re literally dying here! In fact, Daddy WarBass died from not knowing!

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All Blair wants is a ticket to Yale. So call Greyhound and see if they have a ticket from the Upper East Side to New Haven. read more