The Goodbye Gossip Girl. Episode 2×25

Last week was a total waste of time as it was a failed backdoor pilot for a show about Lily in the 80’s, and it was also PROM, which was more an afterthought. Now it’s time for the Season 2 Season Finale. What’s going to happen to our gang? Will Georgina get her Bible money back? Did Blair ever tell Jesus that the Bitch is Back? (Wait, if Jesus is the Son of God, wouldn’t he already know?) Or was Blair too busy breaking up with Nate to relay the message? Let’s find out!

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It’s graduation time on the Upper East Side, and as Gossip Girl herself says, who needs “Pomp and Circumstance” when you’ve got paparazzi? Serena is ready to end high school as she figures it’ll end her reign as Gossip Girl’s #1 target. She was the very first blast on the Gossip Girl site back in 9th grade when she wore a white dress on a rainy day. Serena is just excited as Gossip Girl doesn’t do college, yo. read more

Valley Girls. Episode 2×24.

Lily had Serena arrested because Gabriel stole everyone’s money, and Poppy stole Georgina’s Bible Money, which can only mean one thing. Blair has the impossible situation of telling Jesus that the bitch is back.

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Oh the joys of a backdoor pilot stinking up the airwaves. Brittany Snow and Krysten Ritter star as the Rhodes Sisters and we get a look back that no one was exactly asking for to see Lily as a teen. I bet there’s alcohol involved. I remember this episode being truly horrid, which cannot be a good sign. It even makes the awesome No Doubt look bad. read more

Remains of the J. Episode 2×20.

Last week, a bunch of boring stuff with Nate’s grandfather a VANDERBILT transpired that lead him back to Blair, perhaps, Serena slapped Dan (#TeamSerena), and Lily destroyed the entire Amazon rainforest by writing down the names of all her lovers. What’s next? From the episode description, barf bags for all. “S has just the gift for little J’s Sweet 16: A party with all of S’s stuffy socialite friends. Looks like no one is going to get what they want this year!” I’d like Jenny to murder Vanessa in a murder-suicide, and I don’t think I’ll be getting that! read more

The Age of Dissonance. Episode 2×18.

Miss Carr and Dan did the NASTY (and I mean NASTY), Blair nearly got expelled for sending tips to Gossip Girl, and Vanessa wanted to do Eyes Wide Shut with Nate as his eyes were already shut tight. (Do you blame him?) What’s next on the Upper East Side?

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THE AGE OF INNOCENCE! I love how GG took a chance and did an episode told through a play about crusty old rich people being played by people who would be crusty old rich people in 50 years. Backstage and onstage, the drama is going to happen. And a lot of it! Who cares if we’ve never heard of the senior-class play before and it came out of nowhere (no talk, no rehearsals, nada nada nada). It’s awesome on a stick. read more

Carnal Knowledge. Episode 2×17.

After we suffer through this episode (that isn’t really that bad, but not as good as what’s ahead), the best episodes of Gossip Girl will arrive. We can rejoice, albeit briefly, as the best will give way to four seasons of unwatchableness after thinking a failed backdoor pilot about Lily in the 80s proving Like Mother Like Daughter was a good idea. First, we must see what happens after Serena was accepted and then turned down Yale for Blair, this Miss Carr teacher is up to and how far Blair’s war against her will go, the aftermath of Jack Bass nearly raping Lily which gave her the ability to push him out of Bass Industries and if the show will ever mention the Secret Love Child between Lily and Rufus again. Also, always remember, the less Vanessa and Jenny, the better! read more

You’ve Got Yale. Episode 2×16.

Previously on Gossip Girl a will was read, providing more drama than usual, and Rufus and Lily ran away to Boston to try to find their Secret Love Child. Serena and Dan found out they have sibling in common, which is totally a mood-killer. Uncle Jack managed to get Chuck fired from Bass Industries to take it over. What will happen next? Please tell us, Gossip Girl! We’re literally dying here! In fact, Daddy WarBass died from not knowing!

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All Blair wants is a ticket to Yale. So call Greyhound and see if they have a ticket from the Upper East Side to New Haven. read more

Gone with the Will. Episode 2×15.

Last week, Dan learned he and Serena have a SECRET LOVE CHILD SIBLING in common as Lily never told anyone about giving birth to Rufus’ SECRET LOVE CHILD, Chuck’s uncle Jack showed up to watch Chuck in free fall, and viewers learned Blair did something on New Year’s Eve she doesn’t want anyone to know. (I’m guessing listen to Hillary Duff.) What will happen this week? I bet it has something to do with Daddy WarBass’s will from the title.

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It’s time for a will-reading, Upper East Siders! Blair shows up to support Chuck, and Jack mentions something happened between Jack and Blair on New Year’s. Now things are interesting. Jack is sure the company will be left for him to run, but Chuck is wondering what strings will come attached with the billions headed his way. Oh, and Nate finally decides to show up to be with his BBoyFF and show some support. Better late than never I suppose. Blair is annoyed she’s not the VIP. read more

In the Realm of the Basses. Episode 2×14

We’re halfway through the second season, and the only thing we really have to show for it are a dead father (Chuck’s dad Daddy WarBass died in an accident), a new stepfather (Hello, Cyrus! As you wish!), bad fashion designs from Jenny, Captain Went to Jail, and a lot of angst for all our characters, especially Chuck and Blair and Dan and Serena. Oh, and Aaron Rose/Creepy Bores. Oh! And Lily’s secret stay in an institution. Let’s hope for a better second half, mkay?

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It’s a New Year on the Upper East Side, and everyone is coming back from their Christmas vacations! Serena’s been tangoing (and screwing) her way through Buenos Aires. Lonely Boy Dan was alone (serves him right), and Jenny’s headed back to school! Blair will be ecstatic to have someone to torture again at school. And Chuck is missing. His uncle Jack has been seen about town though, which could potentially be interesting, depending on who his uncle is (hopefully fun evil like Georgina and not boring evil like Daddy WarBass). read more

Bonfire of the Vanity. Episode 2×10.

Jenny bored us to tears with her plans to launch her own line and interrupted Lily and Daddy Warbass’s “Look At Us Rich People Donating $1 to Charity And We Invited Our Offspring So We’re Not Bad Parents, Wait, We Have Children?” charity event to launch it before running away from home. Aaron Rose turned out to be a sleazy bore or a boring sleaze, not sure which is the adjective and which is the noun. Chuck and Blair babysat a friend of the Yale Dean’s obnoxious teen daughter, and fans asked…this aired in November Sweeps time? I am remembering WHY I had forgotten nearly everything that happened post-Hamptons pre-second part of Season 2 now. read more

The Serena Also Rises. Episode 2×05.

So no more incestuous Dukes and Duchesses that pay Nate for sex and refuse to put out for Blair! I think we can all breathe a gigantic sigh of relief now. Also, Serena is Queen and not Blair! How is that going to go?

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It’s Fashion Week, which means Blair MUST wear elderly clothing!

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Actually, she’s doing the seating chart.

Humphrey is apparently applying to Yale. Isn’t that Blair’s thing? I thought Dan was a Dartmouth man. He’s changed his mind. Jenny is cutting class to help Eleanor. read more